Loading ...By Georgia Goldsworthy and James Gould
We admit it. We’re not always the nicest people. After all, you don’t get to the top of the corporate ladder by being sweet and lovely to all and sundry. Let’s face it though, you know who these people below are. You see them in every tutorial, hear them in the hallways and party with them on the weekend. You may as well join us as we sharpen our claws on the Law School social scene.
1. Introduction to Australian Law started fifteen minutes ago, but you’ve only just arrived. What do you tell teacher?
A: You? Late? It just would never happen. You don’t understand the question, and you won’t respond to it.
B: You had an underwear emergency. You donated your bra to the guy who collects stuff to recycle. You didn’t know why he needed it, but how could you say no to a face like that?
C: High Five!!
D : Nothing. You just hand in a “Doctor’s Note” written on a serviette in black eyeliner.
2. It’s Saturday night, and you’re dressed to impress. When the time comes for you to order a drink, what’s your poison?
A: Long Island Ice Tea. Hold the spirits. All four shots. After all, Sunday is study day.
B: Do you have any organic-vegan-fair-trade-locally-brewed-GM-free-carbon-neutral ales?
C: You find that a glass of Moet in one hand and Grey Goose in the other provides the perfect counterweight to the silver spoon perched perennially in your mouth.
D: A vodka orange goes perfectly with your tan.
3. Uh-oh. Business end of the semester is drawing closer, and it’s time to revise. What are your hot study tips?
A: Swot week is always relaxing for you with your meticulous notes and perfect attendance. You just sit down with a cup of tea and consolidate all that fascinating property law knowledge.
B: You attempt to form a study collective in the middle of Ligertwood plaza, but you’re the only one there. Everyone else realizes that law school is competitive, not a pulpit for your left-wing pinko agenda.
C: You have all the study materials you need from the three generations of Adelaide lawyers in your family. And it’s not like you’re going to share, anyway.
D: Flash-cards!! After all, they worked for spelling in year three. ZOMG yay flashcards!!!!!!!
4. You’ve finally managed to get your head around the new rules for graduation. Well, sort of. Either way you need to have some sort of elective, what do you choose?
A. You miss the enrollment date after ending up in hospital from a panic attack. How dare Contract Law stop at Contract Two?
B. There’s hot demand for “Maritime Law for Gay Whales” but hopefully you’ll sneak in.
C. If it doesn’t have “Corporate” in the title, it’s not a law subject.
D. Succession. Multiple Choice Exam. Duh.
MOSTLY A’s: Insufferable Know It All
You. We all know who you are. You’re the one that gives the rest of us waking nightmares when you tell us you’ve bought out Officeworks to colour code your subjects for not only this semester but the next four years. You feign modesty as you lift your hand to deliver a perfect answer in that excruciatingly silent tutorial room. You think Dennis Lim’s Notes are the work of a rank amateur compared to your Proustian masterpieces. Dear God, we’re jealous, but you are still an insufferable know it all.
MOSTLY B’S: Naïve Idealist
Law school is just the latest front in your one-person crusade against global warming, poverty and all of the world’s other social ills. Hey, it only takes one person to make a difference, right? After all, your extensive knowledge of Sharia law will help you bring peace to the Middle East. In year ten you made a formal complaint to the state government about the “racial insensitivity” of Zebra Crossings. One day, the brutal hand of reality will shake you out of your absurd fantasies, but that day is not today. Oh, and of course you are white and very middle-class. You are a naïve idealist.
MOSTLY C’S: Self-Appointed Law School Aristocrat
You are the reason why law school stereotypes exist. You wear a suit to class without having a job that requires one. You probably went to an elite private school and have numerous connections in the legal profession. If your peers didn’t know at the start of the tutorial, you certainly will have made them aware by the end. Isn’t your dad friends with the Attorney-General? Isn’t Justice Gummow your long lost Uncle? Probably, because you are a self-appointed Law School Aristocrat.
MOSTLY D’S: Completely Vacuous.
Congratulations! You achieved a good TER and are now a law student. Too bad you got that TER with subjects like Child Studies, Business “Maths” and that English subject where you analyse SMSes for the greater part of the year. Maybe you’re here to shop for a rich life partner. Maybe you’re here as the result of a SATAC administrative boo-boo. Either way, you are completely vacuous.